I’m tired of being my girlfriend’s secret lover but she won’t leave her husband and three children

I THINK my girlfriend is cheating on me –­ with her husband.

I’m tired of being her secret lover. She is 39, I am 42, and we met four years ago at a work conference. There was an instant attraction, which neither of us could deny.

Although I was single, she admitted she was married with three children.

But she said she hadn’t been happy for a long time and was thinking of leaving her husband.

After a few days of flirting, we got drunk at a reception and ended up in bed together in her hotel room.

Back home, we quickly got into a relationship and, within weeks, I’d fallen deeply in love with her.

She told me she loved me too. She said her marriage was dead — she and her husband lived separate lives, no longer slept in the same bed and were only “together” for their kids.

I’m tired of being my girlfriend's secret lover but she won't leave her husband and three children
I’m tired of being my girlfriend’s secret lover but she won’t leave her husband and three children

Her husband worked abroad a lot, so we had lots of opportunities to meet and spend time together. I have never felt so happy or so alive as when I was with her.

Two years ago, her husband got a new job, and everything changed. He was around a lot more, which meant she could see me less.

She carried on saying she loved me and wanted to be with me, but we spoke less frequently and our hook-ups became sporadic.

She used to talk about leaving her husband regularly. Now she doesn’t mention it.

READ ALSO: My girlfriend’s ex pays her to do his washing and calls in for dinner every day  

I fear they have grown closer again and are sleeping together. Or perhaps she was lying all along?

I don’t want to end the affair and lose her, but I also don’t want to be her dirty secret for ever.

I want a real relationship, commitment and kids of our own. What should I do?

MARRIAGE-CHRONICLES.COM: It’s possible she does truly love you and wants to be with you.

Yet, here you are after four years, and she hasn’t ended her marriage.

I have never felt so happy or so alive as when I was with her
I have never felt so happy or so alive as when I was with herCredit: Getty

This makes me wonder how committed to a relationship with you she truly is.

The fact she has stopped talking about leaving her husband is a big sign that she’s happy to maintain the status quo: to stay married and keep you as her lover.

Only you can decide if you can put up with this indefinitely.

You say you want a family with her and it would be a tragedy if you were to sacrifice your future for someone who can’t commit.

Perhaps it’s time to tell her that if she wants a relationship with you, it means being together openly and not behind her husband’s back.

If she can’t do this, you are better start looking for someone else.

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

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