I AM going through a nasty divorce and my husband is trying to make our children believe I’m the one at fault.
I am 40, he is 45 and we have been married for 18 years. We have two children aged 16 and 14.
After several years of unhappiness, we decided to end the marriage.
It was amicable at first but once my husband realised I would get the house, he became bitter and twisted.
When he comes round to see the kids he doesn’t speak to me. But I hear him whispering to them about me.
He tells them lies and says I am two-faced and lazy.
He blames me for our break-up. He even told them I cheated with a man at work, which is a lie.
But the children are starting to believe him and our relationship is suffering.
He is staying at his brother’s house but comes over all the time to see the kids.
I don’t want him here causing problems.
When I went to see my mum and dad recently, I realised my eldest son was following me — I guess because he thought I was going to see my “lover” and he could report back to his dad.
I can’t live like this any more. My children are starting to hate me, they repeat his vile words and won’t listen to anything I say.
They have stopped helping around the house and are behaving badly — on their screens late at night, going out to see friends when they shouldn’t.
They just laugh when I tell them off. Life is unbearable.
I haven’t done anything wrong except end my marriage.
MARRIAGE-CHRONICLES.COM: Children do not fully understand adult relationships or behaviour.
When parents split up it can feel very scary, as they wonder what will happen to them. And sometimes children blame themselves.
It sounds like your husband is taking advantage of this to make himself seem like the good, blameless parent while you are the wicked one who doesn’t care about them.
His criticism of you will confuse them and affect their self-esteem in the long term because you are half of them.
Tell him he needs to stop criticising and lying about you because it is damaging to them.
Keep trying to talk to the kids. Give them lots of reassurance that you love them.
Please don’t sink to your husband’s level and slag him off to them.
Sometimes children want to talk outside the family.
Could you leave the details somewhere for them without making it obvious?