I’ve got a girlfriend and a wife but I’m exhausted from living a double life
I’m an exhausted man of 45 who is living a complete lie. This year has to be different for me.
I lead a double life, living with my girlfriend and our two sons, aged three and two, during the week and visiting my wife and our ten-year-old daughter every other weekend. It’s stressing me out as neither woman knows the truth.
My wife, who is 42, knows nothing about my 39-year-old girlfriend, and my girlfriend thinks I’m in the process of divorce.
I’ve been unhappily married for 15 years. We both come from a culture where divorce is unacceptable. Cracks showed in our marriage not long after our wedding. We thought having a child would help. It didn’t.
I got a job over 200 miles from our home while my wife and daughter stayed in the house, to give us all a rest from the tension.
The loneliness during the week got too much and I started dating online and met an amazing woman. When she got pregnant with my first son, I moved in with her.
She thinks I am going through a messy divorce from my wife, but the truth is I haven’t even got the ball rolling. I go home once a fortnight and my wife thinks I have a flat in the city, but as we don’t get along, she doesn’t ever visit.
I now have two little boys with my girlfriend, who I love very much. I am becoming increasingly snappy and hardly sleep as I really hate lying to everyone but feel trapped.
My girlfriend doesn’t know that my wife and daughter still live in our marital home. My daughter is beginning to ask questions about where I go in the week and she’s asking to spend holidays with me.
I feel so guilty. I don’t want to lose my girlfriend or my sons, but my “messy divorce” has been going on too long. Should I go ahead with the divorce and accept being ostracised by my family?
MARRIAGE-CHRONICLES.COM: Somebody will be hurt whatever you decide, but secrets within families have a habit of coming out. There is no way you can hide this forever.
Your daughter will be picking up on the tension between you and her mum and it is more damaging for children to see their parents staying in a toxic relationship. If you and your wife can separate officially, you both have a chance of finding happiness.
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Find a moment to tell your wife that things can’t continue like this. Suggest you both find support from a counsellor.
It is also financially exhausting to run two families. Especially with the on going pandemic, so many homes are suffering financially. What happens if you lost your job?
You can then discuss how best to explain to both your families your double life, then you will be able to tell your girlfriend with honesty that things are moving towards divorce. You will feel a lot more at ease.