I CAN only get off from “forbidden” s£x – with prostitutes, people I meet on the internet or strangers in car parks.
I have gone to swingers’ clubs and had the kind of s£x people would say is not normal.
I had a repressive upbringing and trained myself only to like s3x with strangers when there is no emotional connection.
I never got to know these people — it was just disgusting, dirty, no-respect s£x.
Deep down, I see s3x as an activity to be ashamed of.
I like s3x with strangers as there’s no feeling of guilt or being judged but this causes problems, as I’m married.
I am a man of 37 and my wife is 36. We have been together for three years.
I’ve told my wife about my past.
She is understanding but I wouldn’t want to do those things with her, so our s3x life is far from exciting.
There is nothing new.
It is what I would call very boring, vanilla s3x and therefore my mind is dead.
It doesn’t help that I’ve been a heavy smoker and drinker — but I just can’t get excited enough to get an erection with her.
Or if I do, it’s so fleeting it’s no use.
If I could, I would have s3x for her sake.
But I’ve no interest in it myself.
I’ve had s3x with strangers for so long that after a handful of times with the same person, that side of things is finished as far as I’m concerned.
I love my wife and want to be with her, but I had this issue with previous girlfriends.
Once I’d had s3x a few times, I was done with having s3x with them.
But I still wanted them as my girlfriend.
I know this isn’t fair on my wife.
We have fun when we are out doing things.
But I can only get aroused if I am thinking bizarre and filthy thoughts.
I fear I’ve damaged my mental state beyond repair.
I can’t undo the experiences I have had.
MARRIAGE-CHRONICLES.COM: You can’t undo your past but don’t despair.
Your repressive upbringing made you feel guilty about connecting natural s3xual impulses with someone you care for.
You chose sordid s3x experiences because it fitted your conditioning.
But you can retrain your responses.
Steer clear of s3x with strangers and pornography.
It will help to stop smoking and reduce drinking to safe levels while eating healthily and getting lots of exercise.
Fear of losing an erection is enough to make it happen.
Take the focus off intercourse for now but enjoy lots of everything else while you start tackling your past.
Everything is possible when the mind is made up. Just take frantic steps at a time and read more e-books or articles online that can help.