I AM married but had s3x last month with a guy I met on a dating site. I found him so attractive.
He said he wanted to meet again for s3x but he never called me.
I cheated because my husband was knocking my confidence and made me feel so low.
I am 45, my husband is 47 and our two sons are now grown-up.
I thought we were happy until last year, when I caught my husband looking at pornography. We were still having regular s3x, so I kept wondering why I wasn’t enough for him.
He told me he was obsessed with another woman’s body and it badly dented my confidence.
I had a brief fling with an old friend to help me believe I was still attractive but he’s married and I felt too guilty to continue. I decided to go on dating sites.
My profile said I was looking for a relationship but the men were only interested in s3x.
I never met anyone face to face until the guy last month. He was 37 and seemed different. I was honest with him and he was clearly keen on me. We met, had a lovely lunch at a hotel then went to the room he’d booked.
He was gentle and I felt completely at ease having s3x with him. For the first time in ages, I felt wanted. He had my mobile number and said he’d call. I waited but he never got in touch.
Then, a couple of days ago, he contacted me through the dating site, very late at night, wanting to meet for s3x.
I knew then he’d lied about wanting to get to know me better and start a relationship. He would have called my mobile, not contacted me through the site.
So he is like the others after all — just after s3x. My husband has told me he no longer looks at porn but I don’t believe a word of it.
I feel driven to keep trying to meet someone to help me feel good about myself again. But are there any decent men out there?
Of course there are – but going on those sites multiplies your chances of coming across those who are only after s3x.
Most men look at pornography sometimes. It is designed to be addictive and often plays into grim attitudes about women, but it sounds as though your self-confidence was easily shaken by your husband using it.
You had been happy together for decades yet you reacted by quickly having an affair. Your claim doesn’t match your current sexual escapades.
Fantasizing about another woman’s body online is not the same meeting and having sexual affairs with different men. That’s gross infidelity which marital and religious laws frown at.
Stop going on the dating sites. Apart from all the usual risks, casual s3x now risks transmitting Covid-19.
Talk to your husband about how his porn habit affected you and explore what had changed in your relationship.
You can be happy again if you clear up misunderstandings and together act to rebuild trust.