I am stuck between my passionate lover and my husband who doesn’t turn me on

I AM stuck between a lover I fancy like crazy and have passionate s3x with, and my husband, who I love but don’t get sexually turned on.

I am 33 and have been married for six years to a man I cannot fault. He is 36.

I am torn between my passionate lover and my husband who doesn't turn me on
I am torn between my passionate lover and my husband who doesn’t turn me onCredit: Getty Images – Getty

Before we met, my life was miserable and my social life; zero because I suffered with anxiety.

We met at a friend’s wedding and just clicked. He was so kind and lovely and made me feel at ease.

He was due to go to work abroad a week later so our relationship was online for 18 months.

Then he asked me to join him as he’d been offered a long-term position that would give him a good income and us a great lifestyle.

I wasn’t sure I fancied him but thought everything would work out once we were together.

We are happy, we have a lovely life and he is a thoughtful, caring and considerate husband. And he understands and helps me if I get anxious.

READ ALSO: Ten (10) ways To Prevent Your Marriage From Infidelity 

The only downside is that our s3x life doesn’t turn me on. I started a new job a year ago and soon got friendly with a colleague.

He is 31, good-looking and a lovely person, too. He makes my heart jump every time we meet.

I lied and told him my marriage wasn’t happy and I was leaving my husband. Drinks progressed to dates and eventually I went back to his flat.

The s3x was, and still is, breathtaking.

He now wants us to have a serious relationship. I think we could be happy and our s3x life is certainly brilliant, but he does not want children, which I definitely do, and he suffers from depression. That scares me because I need someone to be strong for me.

ALSO READ: Intention is more important than Attention. 

My husband is an amazing man. I am terrified of leaving him and ending up alone. What should I do? Why can’t I choose?


We can’t know the future but write a list of all the pros and cons so you can visualise them more clearly, weigh up how important they are to you and how probable their achievement.

S3x with your lover is likely to take a down-slide if he sinks into a depression, but the plus could be you might find your inner strength if you were with a man who couldn’t always be your rock.

The only downside to my husband is that our sex life doesn’t turn me on
The only downside to my husband is that our s3x life doesn’t turn me onCredit: Getty – Contributor

However, if he would only be a reluctant father, that could be a big friction point. This is just an indication that you can’t always have it all in one person.

READ MORE: Infidelity Hurts, Can Put Smooth Moving Relationship In Reverse Gear 

You may be enjoying all the s3x you want from your lover right now but things may not be the same always….that is what life is about.

Now, one thing you should ask yourself is; would you appreciate being cheated on by your husband? Not that extramarital affair is a normal phenomenon religiously and socially.

Especially with the virus around, try putting your affair on pause while you see if you can help your husband thrill you more sexually. Be his guide to what would turn you on.

If he can get that right it sounds as though you could enjoy a really strong and happy marriage all-round.

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

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