Get dirty at 30 and frisky at 50…..DAVINA McCall feels “like a foxy minx” and sexier than ever in her fifties.
The TV presenter, 52, revealed she’s still enjoying orgasms after the menopause and “having the time of her life.”
Relationship guru Tracey Cox, 58, says: “Like most things, s3x improves the more you do it.”
In her book Great S3x Starts At 50, Tracey reveals the different stages of her love life…and how to have great s3x in EVERY decade.
- Great S3x Starts At 50: How To Age-Proof Your Libido (£12.99, Murdoch Books) is available from all online retailers and most bookshops. It is also available as an ebook.
20s – Experimental
I REMEMBER my twenties as a dizzying mix of freedom and insecurity.
I broke up with my long-term boyfriend, who I got engaged to on my 21st birthday, and decided to stay single for a while.
I had a strong s3x drive and a lot of fantasies but I didn’t act on them.
Our twenties are generally when we’re at our most experimental. We are more likely to have a threesome, a same-s3x encounter and lots of casual s3x.
The hormones that keep our s3x drives robust and our genitals in good nick are plentiful, and spontaneous s3x is the norm.
That’s the good part. The rest of the time, you’re a hot mess of insecurity.
You might love s3x but you spend most of it “spectatoring”, worrying about your performance and how you look, smell, taste.
In bed, most twenty-something women are people-pleasey – it’s more about making your partner think you’re hot and far less about your own pleasure.
WHAT I WISH I’D KNOWN BACK THEN
Ignore the judgers. It’s OK if you want to sleep with lots of people. It’s also OK if you don’t want to sleep with any.
Make your own rules, don’t try to squeeze yourself into a box that doesn’t fit you.
Eighty per cent of women DO NOT orgasm through intercourse. That’s right, most women don’t and it’s normal. If you’re struggling to climax, use a s3x toy on your clitoris during intercourse and even-up the orgasm gap. Social media is entertainment, not a reflection of real life.
The “perfect” bodies on Instagram are made with filters and clever apps. Besides, being good in bed isn’t about having a great body. It’s about enthusiasm, genuinely loving s3x and being sexually generous.
If you’re feeling bad after s3x you’re sleeping with the wrong person.
30s – Exciting and exhausting
I MARRIED my first husband in my early thirties and had my first taste of being in a long-term, monogamous relationship.
I hated being married and seeing my future mapped out. Ironically, I didn’t hate my husband – I loved him.
But I didn’t like the institution of marriage and the thought that I’d never sleep with anyone else again.
I divorced and, being ambitious, threw myself into my career. These are the years where a lot of women experience the biggest threat to their s3x lives – kids.
Most couples with children are a lot less happy sexually than couples without, according to a study of 30,000 parents. There are sexual bonuses though – most of us feel way more sexually confident at this age because we understand our bodies better. While some women struggle to orgasm in their twenties, most achieve it in this decade simply because they are better educated about their own bodies and are more willing to speak up and ask for what they want in their dirty thirties.
WHAT I WISH I’D KNOWN BACK THEN
Your partner isn’t a mind reader. Give tactful feedback on what you like and don’t like. Stop chasing the s3x you had at the start. Our bodies aren’t built to stay in that hormone-pumped, frenetically passionate stage. No one has “just met” s3x years and years into a relationship.
It’s not your partner’s job to put you in the mood for s3x, it’s yours. Know your triggers and use them.
Try reading something s3xy, having a bath, using a s3x toy to “warm up”.
It’s OK to stop having s3x from time to time. Lots of couples have hardly any s3x at all in the first two years of having a child. It’s normal.
Agree on a break and neither of you will freak out thinking it’s permanent.
40s – A time of reckoning
I ENTERED my forties feeling rather smug about my s3x life. While all my married friends complained of a lack of libido, mine was still raging.
I felt fantastic. I had a personal trainer and was travelling the world to promote my books. I was on a high and getting lots of attention . . . from men half my age.
Inevitably, by the time I hit 45, I had the same epiphany bachelors do: It started to feel empty and soulless.
I wanted a serious relationship with a grown-up.
Even if you’re married, you may find yourself sliding into the infamous midlife crisis. No undressing each other, little foreplay, zero exploration.
Lots of women worry their body isn’t appealing after children. Meanwhile, he’s having his first experiences with ED (erectile dysfunction) and finding it a psychological catastrophe.
This is also the decade where lots of women leave unhappy first marriages.
Several studies have found the mid-forties to be the peak of sexual satisfaction for women, so long as they have the right partner.
Things you’d previously dismiss, you’re suddenly up for: Roleplay, tie-up games, s3x toys, even s3x parties.
You realise life is short, making you more open to new sexual adventures.
WHAT I WISH I’D KNOWN BACK THEN
Don’t just press each other’s orgasm buttons. If you’ve been together a while, you know what your partner’s guaranteed “thing” is. Resist.
It’s lazy to head straight for the finish line, not to mention as boring as hell.
The best orgasms are often the ones you have alone. You might want a lover but you don’t need one. You’re perfectly capable of satisfying yourself.
Spontaneous s3x is overrated. You have to plan s3x. If you don’t create the right conditions for s3x to happen in long-term relationships you’ll end up having it on birthdays and anniversaries only.
The easiest way to boost desire for s3x is to have more of it. When you don’t have s3x, you forget how good it can be. The more orgasms you have, the more you want.
50s – The jackpot
BY the time I hit 50, something shocking had happened: My s3x drive dropped catastrophically.
I went through menopause early at 48, and flatlined sexually afterwards.
But I had no idea my life was about to change for the better. Around this time I met my second husband, Miles, the love of my life.
Desire reignited and, like Davina, I went on to have the best s3x of my life – love and lust finally together in the same package.
I know a lot of women share similar experiences to me because I interviewed hundreds for my book “Great S3x Starts At 50”.
Menopause is challenging for lots of us. But we are better educated than ever before.
We also look better now than ever before – and that helps us feel s3xy. We exercise more, eat better, dress younger – and we have Botox.
S3x can be better in midlife because women, finally, relax. The kids have grown up, you’re established in your career or winding down, most of us are financially better off and we have the time and energy to focus on ourselves.
You reinvent what constitutes great s3x: Moving away from intercourse-based sessions into s3x that’s less penetration-focused and is slower and more erotic.
So, what are you waiting for?