Friends With Benefits Became Unhappy Couple After Having 4 Kids

I am a 35 years old guy married with four kids now.

I started dating my wife in 2009 after I went through a very serious heart breakup with my then ex. When I met my wife, we both agreed on no strings attached or more like friends with benefits. She can come spend the night at my place, cook, eat do anything she wanted.
We barely really had s3x not to say a good s3x because there was really no love.

We were like that until 2010 when I told her I can’t continue like that anymore and I want to be alone so we broke up. Then sometime in 2012, she showed up again at my doorstep with a son and said that’s my son. I let her in because it was late at night.

She said she started dating someone else but when she gave birth the child was so different. He looked so much like me and though the guy wanted the baby so much seeing how cute he was but the family didn’t really agree. That on that night the guy asked her to take the baby to his real dad and so she came.

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The baby was almost a year old then. I wasn’t expecting her back in my life. I don’t love her but I couldn’t just kick her away with the baby so I let her stay since I wasn’t even dating anyone serious.

We started living together as a couple and I do my things with other girls outside and once in a while we get to have s3x at home which she didn’t mind because she too doesn’t love me, so no jealousy.

Somewhere along the line she said she was pregnant and it was cool. I thought that would change things for us. She gave birth and that’s one child I really love but still things didn’t change. We fight a lot and so many times I want to end things but family and friends keep saying I should just stay and we would learn to love each other especially after we officially got married.

I went on to do the marriage but I still don’t have any feelings for her. We hardly eat together. We hardly really talk when I’m home. We never bath together or even watch movies together. When we sleep at night we’re like strangers, we might have s3x and immediately I’m done she faces left and I face the other way.

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I ask her why can’t we cuddle and sleep off but she says she’s not a fan of that.
I told her two kids is enough, no more kids so she should do family planning but she refused only to end up pregnant again and we had twins. I still don’t feel anything and now I feel like ending things but I feel bad for her.

I met someone who drives me crazy and she loves me too. We do everything together and it’s so fun being with her. When I’m with her 24hrs seems to be too short but now I can’t have her because I’m still married and have four kids and even though I want to end things at home she says she will feel like she caused it.

I am so confused. I don’t know how to settle this whole thing. I am beginning to get depressed as the days go by.
please I can really use your advise on this.
thank you. It Is Dangerous To Marry The Wrong Person…Why? 

Your wife loved you from the start and she could have loved you more but you never gave up yourself to love and to be loved again so, you lost that opportunity with her over time.

The bitterness you carried in your heart from your previous broken relationship messed things up for you. And until you let go of your past hurt, you can’t enjoy true love, peace of mind and happiness future has for you. You should have allowed your heart to heal completely before getting intimate with another woman.

ALSO READ: Why MEN Are Called “GROOMS” And WOMEN “BRIDES” On Wedding Day? 

It’s never too late to start loving your wife again. Forget about the women out there and the one you claim to be in love with now. She may seem perfect but not good enough for you. Start doing things you haven’t done with her before like bathing together, eating together, going for walk, surprising her with gifts, using nice words to compliment her, pamper her, etc. All these stimulate love and connection between partners.

She might not be all you want in a woman but there is something you like about her that equally makes her special. Let that be your drive. Just do it for the sake of your beautiful children and for get about the past years.

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There is so much blessing in building a happy home. This is not only about you, the innocent kids deserve to be raised in a happy home. You and their mother are their number one role models…don’t ever forget this fact. So, start changing your mind and everything will change for the best. At 35, you should be more responsible. It’s a gradual process and definitely you will get there. Good Luck!
 Good Dads Have Good ‘Personalities’ too

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

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