The fear of having heart break, leads to more heart breaks.
I have a friend, we’re both bankers in different institutions. She recently confided in me but there’s only so much I think I can give her. She’s gradually slipping into depression.
There’s this guy who chased her for a really long time. She’d had her heart broken once so she wasn’t exactly enthused about dating up until 2018.
She met this guy who seemed like he was level headed so I and some other friends encouraged her to try and get to know him. About 6 months later she came back to tell me she had agreed to be in a relationship.
She became the happiest I had ever seen her since 2016. She’s calm, beautiful and very intelligent.
This guy was treating her well. They used to spend a lot of time together. They seemed so into each other and that made me very happy. Apparently they never fought or argued. Whenever there was an issue they’d settle it maturely and move on.
READ ALSO: Story:Breaking Up When It All Turns Good.
She came to work one day in Feb and started crying some more. I had to probe for 2 weeks before she confided in me…. that she suspects she’s pregnant. I encouraged her to get a test kit and then move from there.
A few days later, she told me she had done it and it was really positive. I asked her to go and see the guy so they talk about it and move from there. Then the lockdown happened so they were communicating through phone. I don’t know what happened but I think later the guy told her they both weren’t ready so she should terminate it. (She’s pursuing her MsC and he’s doing his PhD.)
She asked for my opinion but the matter is beyond me so I encouraged her to talk to her parents instead. Her entire family is abroad so it was tricky. She didn’t even tell me she went to abort the pregnancy…hmmm
Ever since she did the termination, the guy changed. He said he had a lot on his mind. And he wasn’t ready for a family. He wasn’t talking to her so she stopped calling and checking in. About 3 months later I was home one weekend sleeping when she came over crying that the guy said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and he doesn’t want to waste her time (first week in June).
She asked me what it meant and honestly it’s quite obvious the guy is no longer interested. I just told her to let go. Instead of crying, she should ask God for forgiveness and healing, learn her lessons and move on.
My friend has lost a tremendous amount of weight. I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t answer calls anymore she only reads texts. I’ve done all I can but I’m still scared she might do something really crazy. She keeps asking me why he changed because she did nothing to him. All this started after the pregnancy. They both never cheated.
I honestly don’t have the answers. I will refer her to your blog, so please be kind in your submissions.
This is sad, I mean very disheartening but not exceptional. I have seen and read worse situation than this and I have also helped a few to get along. So this is not new to me.
“To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. This is a law in science (Physics). Applicably, I am of the opinion that your friend may have done or been doing something over the months that has warranted the action of the guy. Nobody just wakes up and do away with the relationship they have invested in or the person they love dearly, except there was never love or relationship in the first place.
Maybe she got carried away along the line and ended up getting pregnant. Most women easily lose focus when they are madly in love and excited. The guy may have told her seriously or passively that he is not ready for marriage or fatherhood. A young man going for his PhD must have set some goals for himself. His goals are his drive at the moment, not marriage, not fatherhood.
Love, relationship, marriage and parenting are not all the same. They all require different levels of mental, economic, psychological, emotional and moral commitments. So you need to prepare for them accordingly.
Women have strong affinity for marriage than men. So when a woman meets a man, she thinks future and marriage while the man thinks the present and s3x before thinking future and marriage.
Two young people of almost the same age dating without argument and fighting for over 3 months means they or either of them haven’t been real in the relationship. A good relationship is not the one without arguments and troubles, but the one in which those involved know how to manage their differences, increase their love, learn their lessons and keep moving on to achieving their set goals. With this, partners get to know and understand each other better day by day.
So, I think the lady gave an impression that she needed a perfect guy from the beginning and the young man took advantage of her needs. A relationship like that always end in tears.
READ ALSO: Go For A Good Partner, Not A Perfect Person.
She has to learn a lot about men and relationship. And she has to come to terms that heart breaks are just part of having a better relationship.
We meet people in life for two reasons;
She has to learn her lessons and move on. It is not easy but she will be happy again when she heals from this. There is a better man waiting for her. This guy may also learn his lessons and come back a better man for her later.
Life is just a mystery and we can’t have control over everything that comes our way. That is because there is God who knows what’s best for us.
Now is time to heal and move on. Good Luck!