ReadStory: Tribal Differences, My Relationship Woes.

I’m finding it very difficult to handle the headache and the pressure I’m getting from my baby daddy and his family right now.

It happened 4years ago when I got pregnant for a man who made me aware he was single as at that time. That he wanted to marry me. In fact we had s3x just twice and he traveled because he lives outside the country. Later on when the pregnancy issues came up he was even the one who forced me to inform my parents because he wanted to come down and marry me.

Because he is an only child, he has a friend who does everything including his projects. So this friend looked for me after realizing everything because he claimed he just wanted to know me, though my baby daddy never told him. This guy became so concerned to the point that he now advised my baby daddy to pass everything through him in terms of money or other things.

After that my baby daddy told me he had something to do with his ex and they were giving him pressure to marry her before he marries me too which means I’m automatically a second wife. Me too I didn’t want to involve myself in those things looking at the situation at hand because I realized he was frustrating my life by listening to everyone. I realized it wouldn’t help me so I told him I don’t want marriage, he should take care of his son.

My dear, a lot happened and I decided to let go because it got to a time I had problems with that his friend because he gave him money which he didn’t give me. I decided to let go of everything and take care of my son. Mind you the parents also live outside the country too

One day the mother came down and I decided to go there to know if the son was okay or if he intentionally didn’t want to take care of his son or at least since she is a woman like me, she might talk to him to do what is needful but to my surprise I never heard of her again because she thinks I belong to a certain tribe which she didn’t like so I forgot about them.

Anytime he calls too there will always be misunderstanding so I told him not to call me again but he will still call without even giving any money for his child. So yesterday he called again to put me on conference with the wife to know to see if its true I had nothing against her.

Later he arranged a meeting with his mother so I was expecting her to talk nicely to me to cool me but she was rather harsh that why did I need her son to beg me after he has agreed to send people to my parents.

I told her her son insulted me and used words that affected me during my pregnancy period and even rejected the pregnancy and my child so he needs to apologize to me personally. She was annoyed as if I don’t deserve her son’s apology and I realized she and her daughter in law even lied about me to the son.

I also got angry and I told them she was the one who made the son to be misbehaving towards women and she also got angry and saying I don’t respect so I shouldn’t step a foot in her son’s house and she left. Though I’ve accepted to say sorry to her at the right time but the whole issue is haunting me.

I wish I remove these people out of my life permanently but I don’t know how and I want my son close to his father too. I wish him and his family can just leave me alone because I’m tired of them.

My baby daddy even has the bravery to talk about marriage again that he still wants to marry me and add to his wife. Me too I don’t need those material things all I want is for my son’s happiness and safety.

I rejected the proposal though but I don’t know how to manage this situation to have a peaceful baby mama and baby daddy relationship smoothly. Please help me, my son is the most important thing here. The major problem you have here is tribal differences. Your baby daddy loves you and would have loved to have you as his wife but his family and friends are not in favor of that.

My dear, marriage, especially in Africa, goes beyond the two spouses involved. It involves so strongly both families and they will always pry in and out without permission unless both couple decide to walled them off completely.

However, your baby daddy loves and puts his family before you. He’d never see anything wrong in whatever they do to you. This is not what you would like to deal as long as that marriage lingers. You will always be wrong to his family, no matter how right you are. That will be more frustrating than the present situation.

As for your son, he will be just fine without the presence or financial involvement of his dad. You need to start addressing your mind concerning being a single parent for him. You will find peace after a while. Mind you, children are better raised by their mothers. So you have the God-given potential to raise your son to be a better man than his dad.

Finally, cut every line of communication and ties with your baby daddy and his family. And focus on yourself, baby and future. They will never give you the peace and positive energy you need to be a good mother for your kids and your future.

It may take the heavens kissing the earth to have his mom love you. She has strong influence on your baby daddy. So move on and move far away from them all…..Good Luck!

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

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