Can a man rape his wife?

By Francis Ewherido

The issue of rape is topical at the moment. People are asking questions and someone asked: “Can a husband also be accused of raping his wife?” For me a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer is insufficient. To start with, what is rape? ”Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without that person’s consent.”

In Nigerian Criminal Code, Section 357, “any person who has unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act, or, in the case of a married woman, by personating her husband, is guilty of an offence which is called rape.”

Legally speaking, a husband cannot be accused of raping his wife in Nigeria, going by this definition of rape. Also in most African traditions, it will be ludicrous for a wife to accuse her husband of rape. Even the family that the woman came from will wonder if their daughter is sane. It is believed that once a man pays a woman’s bride price, he has all rights over her, including conjugal rights. In fact, some see the wife as a property. It takes a reasonable man to realize that his wife is not a piece of furniture, but a human being with a mind of her own, feelings, emotions and moods.

In Christian marriages, rape of a wife should not come in if the spouses follow the Christian teachings and their marital vows. In ICorinthians 9: 3-5, Paul wrote: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other (s3x) except perhaps by mutual consent…”

When taking marital vows, spouses promise to love, honour and cherish each other. Now this is my take. In marriage, s#x should be freely given and taken. Where it is not freely given, under no circumstances should it be forcefully taken. An unsatisfied sexual urge has never killed anybody and it will not kill you.

Notable marriage counsellor and youth coach, Mrs. Bridget Itsueli, asked a group of youths I brought together for mentoring 12 years ago: “since you have been reading newspapers, have you ever read any obituary where the cause of death is an unsatisfied sexual urge?” Granted that an unsatisfied sexual urge does not kill, why should you deny your spouse his/her conjugal rights? Yes, it is a right, an entitlement.

Some spouses deny their spouses s3x because they are angry. My question is, if you are angry with your boss in the office — and it happens sometimes — do you refuse to do your work? If your answer is no, the same thing should happen in your marriage. Whether or not you are angry with your spouse, if he/she asks for s3x, please give it to him/her. If you like, you can discuss the reason for your anger later. But if you want to bottle up your anger, na you sabi!

But spouses must act in love and be considerate when dealing with the issue of s3x. For instance, if your spouse comes back from work and he/she is exhausted, if you ask for s3x and he/she explains to you that he/she is very tired, you should be reasonable enough to let him/her be. There is always another time, which can be as soon as five hours later.

Some spouses are unbelievably insensitive and selfish. When we were in Ughelli, Delta State, in 1970, there was an uproar. A woman was shouting, “mi vwie nu bo” (I was delivered of a baby only recently) repeatedly. All the woman around, including mama, ran there. I was too young to understand. But what happened was that her husband wanted to sleep with her about three weeks after delivery.

Having witnessed some childbirths and post childbirths, I am numb at the man’s insensitivity. But if there are no inhibitions and your spouse is in the mood for s3x and you are not, please give it to him/her. You don’t have to enjoy it every time to necessitate you engaging in it. At such times, just take it as your marital duty and fulfil it.

Now I have a special plea to wives. An author once observed that when a man has an erection, his brain goes on recess. I do not know how sexual urge is with women, but that is how it is for men. E dey make us no dey get sense. As much as possible, do not starve your husband of s3x. Even if it means you will just lie there while he pleasures himself, do it. I do not want to write about some of the confessions of men who were denied s3x by their wives here, but in mild cases, some of them sulk and sulk for days.

Some husbands turn violent and take it by force, unfortunately. Men scarcely take rejection in good fate. I have heard some shocking marital tales. A woman denied her husband s!x because he refused to pay for her asoebi. Another woman denied her husband s3x because he refused to buy her a particular car. One more bizarre tale, a husband demands for and collects money (bribe) from his wife before sleeping with her.

It is very wrong to use s3x as a weapon in marriage; it is a grievous marital abuse that should have no place in marriage.

In the United States, rape of wives is recognized and it is a criminal offence. But I feel enacting laws against rape of spouses alone does not solve the problem. There are other abuses (physical, emotional, psychological, etc.) going on in marriages. The solutions still remain mutual understanding, empathy, respect and love. Where these are absent, there should be laws to give all spouses all-round protection.

RAPE HAS NO RIDER When discussing the issue of rape, some people throw in a rider: provocative dressing by women fuels rape. These people do not get it. A half-naked or naked woman does excite men undoubtedly, but that is not the issue.

In Urhobo land, every adult, especially men, has an alias (odova). My grandmother’s was esevweremare (old people’s fashion). If you call her esevweremare, she will respond, “obijiwoni, wokw’opharokuphia” (if it offends your sensibilities, turn away).

The issue here is choice. Rapists have the choice of looking away. You cannot justify rape because some women dress scantily/provocatively. In any case, 18-year-old Miss Barakat Bello was a hijab-wearing Muslim, yet she was raped and killed in Ibadan last week. It is simply NO, NO and NO to rape, no riders, no preconditions.

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

Check Also

Newly wed gospel music artiste gifts Pastor brand new SUV car as parting gift

A gospel music artiste, Gift Ugochi Christopher, who got married on Saturday March 6, has …

48 comments

  1. I am the co-founder of JustCBD Store label (justcbdstore.com) and am looking to develop my wholesale side of business. I really hope that anybody at targetdomain give me some advice . I thought that the most ideal way to do this would be to talk to vape companies and cbd stores. I was really hoping if anybody at all could recommend a reliable web site where I can buy Vape Shop B2B Marketing List I am currently looking at creativebeartech.com, theeliquidboutique.co.uk and wowitloveithaveit.com. Unsure which one would be the most suitable solution and would appreciate any advice on this. Or would it be easier for me to scrape my own leads? Ideas?

  2. Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon everyday. It’s always interesting to read content from other writers and practice something from their sites.

  3. Spot on with this write-up, I truly think this web site needs a lot more attention. I’ll probably be back again to read more, thanks for the advice!

  4. Good blog you have here.. It’s difficult to find quality writing like yours these days. I truly appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!

  5. Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon every day. It’s always interesting to read through articles from other writers and practice something from other sites.

  6. I really like it whenever people come together and share views. Great blog, keep it up!

  7. This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me. Cheers!

  8. Pretty! This was a really wonderful post. Many thanks for supplying these details.

  9. You need to be a part of a contest for one of the most useful blogs on the net. I most certainly will recommend this blog!

  10. You’ve made some really good points there. I looked on the net for additional information about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site.

  11. An interesting discussion is worth comment. I think that you need to write more about this topic, it may not be a taboo matter but usually people do not discuss these subjects. To the next! Cheers!!

  12. There is definately a great deal to know about this issue. I like all of the points you have made.

  13. bookmarked!!, I really like your web site!

  14. Thank you for visiting marriage-chronicles.com and thank you for the feedback.

  15. Thank you for visiting marriage-chronicles.com and thank you for the feedback.

  16. There’s certainly a lot to know about this issue. I love all the points you’ve made.

  17. I’m pretty pleased to uncover this website. I wanted to thank you for ones time for this wonderful read!! I definitely appreciated every part of it and I have you saved to fav to look at new information on your web site.

  18. Great web site you have got here.. It’s difficult to find good quality writing like yours these days. I honestly appreciate people like you! Take care!!

  19. Very good article! We will be linking to this great article on our site. Keep up the good writing.

  20. I’d like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in penning this website. I am hoping to check out the same high-grade blog posts by you in the future as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my own blog now 😉

  21. I seriously love your site.. Very nice colors & theme. Did you develop this website yourself? Please reply back as I’m wanting to create my own site and would love to find out where you got this from or exactly what the theme is called. Many thanks!

    • Thank you for visiting Marriage-chronicles.com and for giving a good feedback.
      Kindly follow us on our FaceBook page: MarriageChronicles and Twitter:@MarriageChroni2 for more posts.

  22. This website certainly has all of the information and facts I wanted about this subject and didn’t know who to ask.

    • Thank you for visiting Marriage-chronicles.com and thank you also for the good remarks.
      Kindly follow us for more posts on our Facebook page @MarriageChronicles and on Twitter @MarriageChroni2.

  23. Great information. Lucky me I came across your blog by chance (stumbleupon). I’ve book marked it for later!

    • Thank you for visiting Marriage-chronicles.com and thank you also for the good remarks.
      Kindly follow us for more posts on our Facebook page @MarriageChronicles and on Twitter @MarriageChroni2.

  24. It’s hard to find well-informed people on this subject, but you seem like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks

  25. An impressive share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me breakfast simply because I found it for him… lol. So let me reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the time to discuss this matter here on your website.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: