Hello, some month after marriage, my wife brought in her junior sister to live with us. She didn’t inform me until the very day her sister came to the house. She was in junior high school and she brought her in to help her around the house. No problem. The girl lived with us until she completed JHS and left for Senior High School, SHS.
Few months after marriage, my wife brought in her junior brother who had completed SHS and was waiting for his results. The brother lived with us for three years before he had an admission to the university.
We live in two bedroom house and we have three kids. The first is six, the second is four and the third is two. These kids are growing and they need a space to grow in. So when the younger brother finally left, I decorated the room for the kids.
Just when I thought all was done, my wife’s senior sister came in. She is recently divorced and looking for a place to start afresh. My wife didn’t inform me. The day her senior sister came, she told me, “My sister is going to live with us for a while”.
I said “No, your sister can’t live with us because our kids need the space.” I don’t want her sister to think I’m sacking her from our home. I want my wife to see reason and tell her sister to leave.
It has become a huge fight between us. Yesterday she said, if I love her I should love her family too. I’ve told her to ask her sister to leave or I’ll leave. Am I doing anything wrong?
Marriage Chronicles: My dear, you haven’t done anything wrong yet but you may do something wrong soon if you move out of the house for your wife.
As a man, you are the head of the home and that puts you in the position of leadership of the family. It is your responsibility to provide, oversee and protect your family. Your wife is only to help you carry out your responsibilities well for.
Your wife, as your partner, doesn’t have the sole right to determine who comes in and goes out of your home. It has to be a collective decision and agreement…. with you giving the final say as the head.
It is good to help family members if possible, but certainly not to the detriment of your marriage and the peace of your home. Your wife may not know this, so you need to sit her down and have a decent conversation about that.
Having your sister-in-law in your house can bring so much issues in your marriage. She may end up being a bad influence on your wife and kids, she could also end up being a co-wife to her sister by grazing your bed sometimes.
There is no need to fight, just try to let her understand that you love her and her family but it’s no time to carry extra responsibilities yet. Promise her that once things are better, you will help her family as much as she wants.
Finally, make sure you are responsible for the house rent and payment of utility bills. This will help you to be the head without having to say it. If by chance your wife is responsible for the rent and feeding, then you may not have much choice here. Good Luck!