Watching Porn: Masturbation Reduces S3x in Relationship

I married my wife in February 2002. She had 2 boys, Stevie 7 and Owura 9 from a previous relationship. We were a very happy family and I was proud to be a father to them. We did everything father and sons do.

Ff, in 2007 she started complaining about the boys suddenly becoming secretive. I was then in another state but visited regularly. They weren’t the same to me and even more loving to their kid sisters (2) that I didn’t know what she was talking about. I’ll ask them and they’ll tell me they don’t know what mum is saying.

2 years later, my wife called and she was hysterical. She caught Owura fingering our 6 year old daughter! She was in the room when she felt the house was too quiet. Went to his room and he had her on his lap without her panties. Doing that to his own sister! I was flabbergasted, shocked and appalled.

These were boys who had been raised in the teachings of the Lord. Taught to be respectful, caring, obedient and also not to do that on themselves or on their siblings. I took a flight home that weekend and questioned him but all he said was “sorry dad.” Nothing else, just sorry. Wouldn’t say anything. I blamed their mother for not keeping an eye on them and this led to a row we couldn’t resolve.

We brought a therapist in and after 3 weeks I’m at work when I get a call from the therapist’s office and it’s my wife. That she wants to talk to me now. I’m busy but she says if I don’t rush there that day we should forget about anything called marriage.

I assumed she’s bluffing because how could she issue threats? I was at work. Working on a partnership to make the money to ensure we all lived a good life, I couldn’t drop everything impromptu that day and go to another state. She didn’t want to understand. I went there that weekend to talk to her and that’s when she dropped the bombshell. Her boys had been watching porn secretly. They learned it from me. All the years I allowed them to watch with me when their mother was asleep. I thought I was bonding with them and stopped after I had made them see what I thought was enough

But it became an addiction and when I stopped they continued watching it. Owura was musterbating and forcing Stevie to do it. Their mother didn’t know and she blamed me for it because I initially blamed her. We had so much issues that we separated in 2010. We all had to go through therapy until she agreed to come back in 2013.

Owura nearly raped a girl (torn her dress in a toilet!?) and the only thing that saved him was I called him that time to come home for some money he asked for. The girl accused him but we were able to talk to the family to get all charges dropped. He would have still been in jail by now if I hadn’t called him. Stevie got so hooked on musterbating that it affected his studies. He’s a good bball player but without good grades he got dropped from the team.

My dear, one bad decision and look at what I caused. At first I refused to accept my fault in all that but I’m an adult and they were kids. I knew what I was doing was wrong so why did I make them think it was right?

I believe it’s high time we fathers accepted our faults in how our kids turn out. All those bad mistakes we make but refuse to admit. It’s different when they learn it from outside. It’s always easier to correct that than what they learn from us their parents because we are the ones they look up to first.

I don’t know if I’ve made sense but I just wanted to share this. Thank you.

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

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