Advise: When He Wants You But His Kids Want Their Mom Back.

I’ve been dating this man for 8 months. When we met, he told me truthfully that he was married but his wife had traveled to Canada 3 years ago to visit the parents and refused to return so he was leaving the decision of the marriage to her. He had told her to choose between returning to him and their kids or divorcing him but she always pushed that aside.

I didn’t want to fall for him. I knew it was wrong from the get go and he also told me that he had decided to stay faithful to her no matter what to avoid any court issues should they finally start the divorce proceedings. We only talked most of the time and the few times we met in the beginning, we always met in open places.

Then one day, he fell seriously sick. He sent his two kids (7 and 12 years) to his parents. I went to stay with him because I’m a nurse and took care of his feeding, cleaning, medication and everything for him. He was admitted at the hospital for 3 months, discharged, came home for 2 weeks and I had to rush him back to the hospital for an additional 1 week of admission before he got better.

He called his wife and told her he was on admission from the first day and she asked where the kids were. She didn’t call him again after that but only called his mother to talk to the kids. When she was told he’d been discharged and the kids would come back home before she started calling his line to talk to them. He told me that’s not the first time so he didn’t care. Hmmm.

2 months ago, he asked me to marry him. I told him I cannot do that. He wanted us to do the Traditional Marriage then after he is done with the divorce then we do the civil wedding. I told him it was best to do the right thing. He then called the wife and told her of his intention to divorce her because he doesn’t see any interest from her side to make their marriage work. She told him to go ahead. He then contacted his family and hers and also his lawyer. The two families met. They called her on phone, put it on speaker and she said that the decision lies with him. If he wants a divorce or not, she’s ok with his decision. He told her people, he wants the divorce.

Just last month, his lawyer contacted her and that’s when she finally realized how serious he is. She spoke to her family to beg him but they said they cannot go on their word since they called her and she said she was ok with her decision. She’s now using the kids. They cry everyday that they don’t want a divorce. They want their mummy back.

I asked him what he will do and he says he’s leaving that decision to me because he’s confused now. I’m also confused whether to stay and fight for his love or walk away. He deserves to be loved by a woman who will stay with him and not decide to come back after 3 years but I also deserve happiness. What should I do?

Marriage Chronicles: The major issue is his kids. He wants you but the kids wants their mom back. And from all indications, you are in love with him and he loves you too.

Now you have to move to the next stage, which is very important to him. This stage has to do with his kids. You must do all you can to win their love. You will also need their dad to help talk to the kids that they deserve proper care and love of their dad and a mom which they can and will get from you. Their approval of your relationship with their dad may not be gotten overnight but overtime. So you need to be patient…..patience is the major weapon you will need in this venture.

You need to be genuine and very diplomatic with them. Don’t ever talk down their mom in order to win their love, it will aggravate things for you.

However, whilst you are yet getting the favor and blessing of his kids, don’t sacrifice the happiness of your man and yourself in their stead. You will have to learn how to strike a balance while avoiding all extremes.

Take note that you are going to marry three people…one man and two kids. This takes harder work and tactics to manage. The main drive is for you and your man to be happy….but this won’t be achieved until the kids agree with you. Good Luck!

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

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