ADVISE: The Uncertainties Of Marrying Out Of Empathy And Pity.

I met this lady and we were just friends. She saw my intentions towards her and told me of her problem. She was pregnant from her old relationship. Upon getting a scan, others showed it was an ectopic pregnancy and others reported it was normal.

I then told her we can be friends. So I started praying with her, having faith that it will be well. She had confidence in me. I told her if the guy takes full responsibility fine, her happiness is what I need.

The guy came and the lady’s father drove him away because he didn’t show respect. Later, I visited and the father asked me if I knew the condition of the daughter and I said yes. He asked if I intended to marry her. I said yes. I never rejected her because of her condition. I was new to relationships at 31 years and didn’t want to disappoint her. She later confirmed her period came when she prayed and there was nothing.

My people are unfortunately against the marriage. Two different pastors have told me to ignore her. One prophetess said the marriage won’t last beyond 3 years. I felt I would have cheated her if I abandoned her. We got married and most of our people refused to attend.

We have been married for 3 years now. This lady is very disrespectful, arrogant and proud. We are both chartered accountants. We have two children. She was pregnant with one when a quarrel arose and she removed her ring for the second time and let to her workplace. She stays in Ho whilst I’ve been in Winneba since the time we got married.

She is very demanding and unappreciative. I never knew what is called “woman” before I married her and she has destroyed all good feelings in me. I have cheated because I never had affection from her. Yet I couldn’t keep it to myself and told her, she is using it against. I want to divorce her since she took off the ring? please advise me?

Marriage Chronicles: Sometimes it is very clear people just need someone to empathize with them because they in trouble and rejected and not necessarily looking for a future partner. We shouldn’t be helping someone so as to end up with them. That’s a big mistake. Remember, the respect, love and loyalty of a poor person shouldn’t be taken seriously until they are tested and tried with time. This was where your wife outsmarted you. “She saw your intentions towards her and she told you her problem”. You were in love with her but she wasn’t in love with you.

Our elders often say that “the housefly that pays no heed to advice follows the corpse to the grave”. Marriage is not a palm wine which can be tasted and you decide which on which one tastes better. It’s a lifetime journey full of unimaginable and unpredictable lessons and that explains why you are given a certificate even before you start.

You made a grave mistake by not heeding to the counsel of your people. As a mature and responsible child, you must have known over the years what kind of parents you have. Good parents don’t mislead their kids. The moment your parents begin to raise red flags towards your wife-to-be, just save your soul by letting go off that person. The truth is they see beyond what you and l see most times……..Physically and spiritually.

Life is not all about marriage. Divorce is not good but wrong marriage can make life miserable for you. What won’t work, won’t work no matter how hard you try, that’s how God, the creator of the world, regulates the activities of men. Before you take any decision about the marriage, consider the well-being and future of your kids. Since you started with prayers, you may have to continue with prayers till the end.

Now that your strength is failing you in the days of adversities, don’t be hasty, be calm and allow God to take the wheel.

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

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