Growing up, my mum did something that had a profound impact on me and has stayed with me all my life.
My dad struggled with unemployment for some years. In all that time my mother was the one taking care of the home without complaining but she did something very profound. You see in the olden days there was this adage that “don’t shame your husband in front of the kids” so he was the one we went to for our fees but he gave us money given to him by my mother.
You know that kids see more than they say so though my mum tried to hide it, I always saw how she’ll hand him an envelope before he’ll call me or put money inside his trousers from which he’d take some and give to us to pay our fees with it.
What I learnt was that a wife is her husband’s partner, not his slave, not his baby factory, not his nanny but his partner. They both strengthen and compliment each other’s efforts.
My dad cooked (at the expense of our stomachs), he ironed, he cleaned (except for washing which he hated) but he did all these without being asked. He did them because they had to be done. If he were living alone, wouldn’t he do them so why not do them for himself and his family? Their way of marriage meant that the other didn’t feel cheated or used because they complimented each other’s efforts.
I’ve seen how married couples these days aren’t doing this and failing themselves in the process. Key example: man knows how to cook, wash and clean and does these throughout his dating life but the minute he gets married, he stops. He wouldn’t even take a spoon to wash. Ask him and he’ll ask you, “why do you think I got married?” Telling isn’t it?
It’s high time both spouses complimented each other. It’s good that there’s no specific manual for marriage. They’re all suggestions because no two people believe alike or no two marriages are the same.
You want to have a good marriage? Beautiful. But my question is, are you and your partner willing to work to achieve it because good marriages take years to achieve, not a day or month.
I know not every woman will act the way this woman did with her husband and not every man will also act the way this man acted with his wife. Some men in the midst of hardship are still very egocentric and proud, while some women will use the opportunity to override the authority of the man. These are morally, mentally, emotionally and psychologically depraved individuals.
However, it takes two to tango in marriage. The success and happiness of marriage is a collective effort of both partners.