The Only Way You Can Enjoy A “Good Marriage” Is If Your Husband Doesn’t “Buy You”

Written by Abena Magis

There’s such a rising crop of self-serving men these days that I weep when some women tell me what they endure daily.

For some of you women eh, the only way you can enjoy a “good marriage” is if your husband doesn’t “buy you” i.e if he doesn’t have to pay such exorbitant expenses to marry you which would make him feel he owns you.

Check this scenario:

Woman meets man. They both like each other and date for a while. Man asks her to marry him and she agrees. She goes to her family and tells them she has met someone interested in marrying her and they arrange a date. Date arrives, man gets there with his family, no drinks, no money, no cloths, no shoes, no napkins, just a ring. He doesn’t pay anyone any money and since they are guests, he and his family are well feted and he goes home with his wife.

What this means is that since he didn’t pay through his nose to marry her, should she fall sick, she won’t have to be sweeping and fainting. If she gets a promotion, her husband wouldn’t be the one to decide if she should take it or not. When she’s not yet home from work but he is, he can cook and eat instead of waiting for her to get home late to prepare fresh food for him and still give him the 2 rounds he wants.

I’m in no way advocating that families shouldn’t ask for the lists etc but this mindset of these men who treat their wives as slaves should be stopped. Parents, what are you teaching some of your sons? That they are demi gods whose wives have to slave to take care of? Why do some of them behave differently when they marry outside Ghana but are reprensive towards the woman they swore before God and man to love and care for when they live with them here?

A lot of the men here are quick to comment on what women should do to keep a happy home etc but they themselves don’t know a thing on how to keep that home.

My last point is this, women, make your own money! You’ll be treated differently if you have your own money because he knows you can walk out anytime. Make your own money!

Marriage Chronicles: The place of bride price can not be eroded or jettisoned from African tradition and culture. Though some engagement lists seem to be overtly unreasonable, however, not all families pay emphasis on such marriage lists.

The very essence of Bride Price and Engagement List is to emphasize the the importance of a woman. Every woman is a royal and should be treated like a queen. God took His time to form the woman before presenting her to man, that showed how special the woman is. Some cultures value the awesomeness of a woman than the other. The money paid to having her as your wife doesn’t indicate that the man is buying her. It is only for her husband to value and cherish her as a special person in your life.

Ordinarily, people value and adores their expensive things, why will the case be different for the Woman? Maybe men have to understand the concept of bride price and engagement lists in Africa. No matter how much money you spend in making her as your wife that makes her a mere commodity in your life or house. The woman is a priceless being, she is a Queen and should be cherished, adored and adorned as a Special part of a man. No man is complete without a woman…behind every great man, there is a woman.

The Financial Independence Of The Woman

After you have made enough money as a wife and have made yourself a co-head with your husband in the marriage, what next? Nobody on earth is independent…..forget it. Whether you like it or not, you need a man and a man needs you. Your ability to co-exist with people very well is one of the things that makes you matured. Now, are you going to marry and remarry because you now have money as a woman?

It is good for a woman to have money cos it will enable her to carry out her responsibilities well as a Helper for the man. Now the Love and respect she will get from her husband is not going to be based on the amount of money she has but how well she is able to use her money in helping the man.

Rich people are not genuinely respected and honored because they have money, it is the impact of the money on humanity that earns them the honor and respect they command.

As parents, we should teach our kids Right Values, which helps to make money and live a good life. This is the problem. A lot of men and women don’t have good moral values that help them maintain a proper social-cultural life. So when you look at the society at large, you will notice that younger people no longer have respect for elders, parents, teachers, religious leaders, political leaders….and it continues when they become husbands or wives.

Finally, I always advise women to “Look very carefully before they Leap” into marriage with any man, owing to the fact that, whether we agree or not, the man has some level of right (given to him by God, Family, Society, Tradition, Religion and Government) over the woman in marriage. He is known as the head of the house….while the woman is the manager and maker of the home. Take note, the home is inside the house, so the house is the covering over it all….and that is what the man is.

Also Read: It Is Dangerous To Marry The Wrong Person…Why?

Once you make a wrong choice of a man, you can never have a good marriage, whether you have money 10 times than the man. Don’t choose a man based on love and money, choose him based on CHARACTER…..but this is difficult for women because of emotions and desires.

Don’t only look for a Right man, look for a Good man. A Good man out of his goodness will treat you right. Now you ask yourself, “Who is a Good man and who is a Right man”?

Read: Go For A Good Partner, Not A Right Person….…/go-for-a-good-partner-no…/

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

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