Please Advise My Elder Sister: She Abandoned Her Marriage, Husband And Kids For 2Yrs For No Just Cause.

Good morning Sir, My elder sister left her husband’s house without letting him know because they had issues. She left leaving three grown up children… 16, 12 and 7, that was since march 2017. She kept on saying she doesn’t want the husband anymore without cogent reasons. We searched and searched for her through all available means: police, praying ground etc until we gave up and ask God to take control. Our pastor said that she is alive and leaving with another man but destination unknown.

She did not contact any of us for that past 2 years. My elder sister is the most stubborn spirited person I have ever seen. We kept praying for her to return alive until she appeared last week with a child and two neighbours who escorted her to our family house claiming she can not recognize our house anymore. The neighbour narrated that the man she was staying with drove her out of the house, she has been lying to this man that she is single and have never given birth before. If you see her that’s how she looks though, so the man believed her. Also lied about the family she came from so that the man will not come visiting us. The man was living with a total stranger until they quarreled and he sent her packing. That is the little the neighbour who brought her back told us. 

We decided to call his legal husband he left to come see what’s happening and probably talk and beg him if he will accept her back. Fortunately for us, he is willing to accept the wife back but not with the child she is carrying. He gave a condition that if only the child will be sent back to the father or the man’s parents, only then will he accept her back. But my sister bluntly refused to give the baby back to the man that it’s her own blood. That if he can not accept her and the child, he should forget it after all she wasn’t planning to come back to him after what he did to her. We still don’t know the reason for leaving the husband and children at first and she doesn’t want to tell. Please if you can help me digest the story softly and give an advice on what to do with wisdom I will appreciate it. I really want her to go back to her husbands house and take care of her children.

Marriage Chronicles: Your sister is an introvert that’s why she can keep things to herself for a very long time. Finding out the exact reasons she abandoned her marriage of many years, kids and husband is a major task you need to carry out. Because no woman will just abandon her family, except for a very good reason.

Also if she had returned alone without a child, it would have been easier to sort things out with her husband. She is right to say she isn’t letting her child go without her, that’s why she is a woman and a mother. However, the husband is also right to give her such condition as he can’t just accept her baby after 2yrs automatically. He may change his mind over time if they both go back to where they failed before she left and then have proper understanding. Both families will also be involved in the reunion bid because not every culture and religion permit a woman to do what she has done.

Finally, she should find a place to go where she and her baby can get all the family love and attention she can get at the moment. That will help her to loosen up for proper revelation of what she is keeping to herself. It will be a very bad idea to scold, condemn or reprimand her at this time as she could decide for another terrible actions than the previous. Good Luck!

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

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