Please Advise: My Boyfriend Is Caring But I am Scared Of His Insecurity And Lies.

Good morning sir, I’m into a relationship with a guy in my area, I don’t usually do close relationship, have been into distance relationship but didn’t workout for me. So I decided to give this close one in my area a trial and we started dating. Mind you, he’s caring and kindhearted but he can shake the foundations Africa with lies. He’s also insecure, he doesn’t pick his calls while am around him. There’s this his ex that usually calls him and if I ask, he would  tell me he doesn’t have anything to do with her, that he is trying to let her go, but this lady keeps calling and doesn’t give him breathing space.

Where I need advice is, my guy is too insecure, what he fears in a relationship that’s the same thing he’s doing. If am with him and I pick calls from any guy, his countenance will change immediately, he doesn’t pretend to hide it at all. The one that got me thinking, there was this guy that normally calls me cos he likes me but have not given him a chance yet, so he called me while I was with my guy and was asking me how am faring in this lockdown, immediately I dropped the call my guy face changed, he didn’t talk to me again, he was so angry beyond description, you could see the fire burning in his eyes. I became very scared, I was asking him what’s wrong with him, he didn’t utter any word to me he just left me and drove out and came back late, and when he came back he was asking me what to eat but I didn’t answer him, so he went to bed and slept off. 

The following morning after we prayed, I was planning to go to my place,  when he came and apologized, but I didn’t answer him. So he left to take his bath, immediately my phone rang and I picked, it was that same guy. My guy ran out from the bathroom and sat beside me while I was on call, the other guy was just asking how I was faring, and he asked if am at home and I told him no that am in my guy’s place, that I slept there, so he said ok and ended d call. Immediately this guy heard that, he hugged me and was just kissing me, I was so surprised. Just yesterday again he came to my place and left early, he told me he will come back later. So around 7:30pm he called that he couldn’t make it to my place again cos he is tired and I told him not to worry about coming cos I want to sleep. He got angry that why would I say I want to sleep by this time. The next 45min while praying, I heard someone knocking, I went to open he was the one, that’ he just came to see me cos he’s bored. This is someone that called me he can’t go out again. When he saw that have already switched off my TV and I was about to sleep, he now stood up to go, that he just came to check on me. In my mind, I was like; who is this one fooling,  he only came to know if am with a guy.

So sir I need advice on what to do cos am so scared of this his insecure attitude. How do I handle that if we eventually we get married. Or should I end the relationship and give the other guy a chance?  I’m just confused. Story for the long post.

Marriage Chronicles: Every Cheater doesn’t like to be cheated on. Not picking calls in your presence is a sign of cheating…he sure has something to hide. His insecurity may not be based on his love for you but his personal cheating experience…though he loves you. Also getting so insecure about you shows that he doesn’t trust you.

Trust is a very vital ingredient that helps a relationship or marriage to stand the tests of time. The lack of trust can destroy the peace and sweetness of marriage. It is not advisable to get into marriage with doubts of your partner because it is a journey which can make or mar your life.

Finally, insecurity can lead to domestic violence which can end up destroying the marriage. He hasn’t hit you yet because he hasn’t really got reasons to, but there is the tendency that he may beat you up someday in marriage when he is angry. So please weigh all extremes before you take any decision. You may have to tell him you can’t continue the relationship due to his behavior but don’t also jump into a relationship with the other guy otherwise it will seems like you have been going out with him all along. Make more friends with the male folks, give yourself some space of time before you either continue with same guy or start a new relationship. Good Luck!

About Wealth Femi

I am Wealth O. A, B.Sc (Chemistry), Delta State University, Nigeria, Diploma (Basic Marine certs), Regional Maritime University, Ghana. Married with kids. Marriage and Relationship Counselor, writer and entrepreneur.

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